Dear Diary,

Yesterday my teacher, Mrs. Clump, asked us to write about ourselves.  Mom says I should write this stuff in my diary so I can remember it when I’m really old like her.  So here’s what I wrote: 

Name:   Casey Crabtree                 

Favorite Subject:  Recess and lunch and sometimes science when we get to do cool stuff like watch the baby snakes hatch from their eggs.  Oooh and DRAMA!

Least Favorite Subject:   MATH!!!!                                

Best quality:  I’m a good food inventor.  Last week I made Chewy Milk and it was AWESOME!     

What will you be when you grow up?   Either a Ninja Pirate or a Sales Woman.  Is there such a thing as a Ninja Pirate Sales Woman?

Do you have any animals?  I have a one-eyed cat named Skunk.  I’m pretty sure he lost his eye battling a dragon. I’m kind of psychic about stuff like that.

Who lives in your house?  Just my mom and me…oh…and the Skunkster.  And sometimes, in the summer, we get those HUGE flying roaches.  But it’s not like they are family or anything.

What is your favorite food?  Junk.  And fried. And fast. And pancakes.

 

Dear Diary,

Father’s Day is Sunday!  

Have I told you about my dad?  Well I don’t really know much for sure.  He died when I was a baby.  

But I must take after him in some ways, right?  So I’ve added up all the things I’m great at – or at least I could be great at – and here’s what I think happened: 

1) He was a brave sailor who  battled an enormous sea monster  -OR-

2) He was an astronaut who saved the world from a meteor and we’re all alive today because of him -OR – 

3) He was a superhero and the story of his death is just too gruesome to tell -OR-

4) He is an international spy who is secretly alive today, hiding out and killing bad guys in some far off country -OR-

Well, you get the point.  I’m feeling pretty sure that at least one of these things  is true.

Happy Father’s Day, (most likely super hero and/or international spy) Dad – wherever you are. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Diary

It’s Flag Day!

And guess what…Betsy Ross did NOT sew our first flag.  Really!  It’s True!  Years later, her (clearly not as smart as Leonard) grandson *thought* she did and told everyone. History book writers believed him and the rest is history. (Can you tell Mom is making me read over summer break?)

Happy Feeling-Bad-For-Whoever-Didn’t-Get-Credit-For-Really-Sewing-The-Flag Day!

Dear Diary,

Today is the day.  Today I audition for the school play – Snow White!  Almost everyone in third grade is trying out.  I’m freaking out.  I hardly slept at all last night.  Thankfully, waking up at 5am leaves me LOTS of time to write in you before Len and I walk to school.

Speaking of my one-and-only best friend, he will NOT try out for the play.  Can you believe it?  Who wouldn’t want to be in a play?  It has the word “play” in it for monkey’s sake.  It might as well be called “candy”.  How can he be such a super genius and not see how awesome this will be?

I’m sure Heather Halloway will be Snow White.  She’s the most beautiful girl in 3rd grade.  Heather has long, shiny blonde hair – which I suppose it cool, but I like the way my pigtails bounce when I skip so…there’s that.   She sits next to me in class and is nice enough – although she never seems to remember me .  She just moved here from  “Cali”.  She says it’s the best place to live, blah, blah, blah.  I’m pretty okay with Whispering Pines.  Plus, I think lip gloss must be some sort of requirement in “Cali”.  Heather puts it on ALL DAY.  I’m worried her  lips are going to slip right off her face.

I doubt mean old Cecilia Marks will be Snow White.  First: she doesn’t look princessish (her black hair is so curly it looks like she stuck her finger in a toaster).  Second: there is no way she’s a good enough actress to make anyone think she’s sweet.  Third: No prince would kiss her.  Ew.  She probably couldn’t even get a frog to kiss her!  Ha!  Ha!  Cecilia sits next to me in class too.  We used to be best friends but now she says we have to be arch enemies.  I guess in her world there’s a rule that you can’t be best friends with someone after they eat too much candy at the class Halloween party and accidentally throw up on you.  Ever since the great vomit incident she’s called me “Creepy Casey”.   She even got other kids to call me that.  All of that will change if I can just get a role in this play.

Okay – it’s almost time to meet Len at our corner and go to school.  Cross your fingers (and your eyes) for me!

Dear Diary,

 

Holy whack-a-moley, we had a blizzard!  In Whispering Pines!  Can you believe it?  Well, maybe it’s not really blizzardish but it’s still snow!

It was still dark out by the time I put on every single bit of clothing I own – plus my big coat, mittens, and all that junk.  So, I looked out the window and used all my psychic brainpower to force the sun to come up.  It took a while but it worked.

You know the big cardboard box I’ve been using as my office/fort/spaceship in the living room?  Well, I dragged it down to Len’s house.  You should have seen him when he answered the door.  I know it’s not nice to laugh at your one-and-only best friend but his mom had him bundled up and, well…you know he’s a little on the chubby-fluffy-hefty side.  He looked like a little brown Weeble.  I asked if I could push him so we’d see if he’d wobble and not fall down.  He said no.

So anyway, we flattened my office/fort/spaceship. It made a pretty awesome sled until it got soggy.  Then we used it for shields during our epic snowball battle, which I won –  probably because Len had a hard time seeing out of the millions of hats, scarves, hoods his mom made him wear.  After that, we made snow people.  I gave mine a bikini made out of pieces of my office/fort/spaceship/sled/shield.  Her name is Betty.

Now I’m back home.  Mom made hot chocolate and Skunk is curled up next to me as I write this.  Oh and I saved the last piece of my office/fort/spaceship/sled/shield/bikini.  I drew a robot on it.  Now it is a mouse pad for my mom’s computer.

Best day ever.

 

Dear Diary,

It’s Christmas!  Let me tell you all about it.  First, I got an e-mail from Santa!  AN E-MAIL FROM THE BIG GUY!

Also, Mom has this crazy rule that I can’t wake her up until 6 o’clock in the morning.  The waiting almost KILLED ME! Then she said the new rule was that I had to sit quietly until she got ONE sip of coffee in her.  That, of course, took forever.  She could write a book on how to torture your kids on Christmas morning.  Who needs coffee on Christmas?!

FINALLY we got to open presents!   Skunk loved the bag of beef jerky/anchovy kitty treats I made for him a few weeks ago – even though Mom made me throw the anchovies away.  Then she mumbled something about understanding the mysterious Christmas tree smell.  Mom REALLY liked the necklace I made for her.  She said making it out of bread twisty ties and milk jug lids was “resourceful”.

I was worried because everything under the tree was clothes-shaped and not at all bike-shaped.  But Mom told me to open the door and let Skunk out and guess what was outside?  A BIKE!!!!!  Santa brought the bike I asked for!!!!  Can you believe it?  My very first, very own, very brand new bike!  It’s blue and has streamers and a horn and lightening stickers and a basket and is AWESOME!!!!!  I’m going to put Bob T. Bear in the basket and ride to Len’s house – as soon as the sun comes up.

Dear Diary,

So, you’ll never believe what happened to me. I expomited all weekend.  Len says that’s not a word but I know it is.  It means exploding vomit.  As in, ‘I explomited all weekend’  So anyway, I explomited all weekend!   I thought I was going to DIE!  You wouldn’t believe it.  I told Mom my stomach felt like one of those underwater volcanoes we saw in science class.  She said carberation helps and she let me drink soda!  That almost never happens.  I think Skunk likes it when I’m sick because, except for when I was explomiting, he kept me company on the sofa the whole time.  Okay, well, that’s the story of my grossest weekend ever.  I’m glad I’m feeling better – – but I will miss the soda.

I’ve Watched This a Bazillion Times

There’s a very good chance that if you are drinking milk while you watch this, you will bust out laughing and it will come out your nose.  You’ve been warned.  WARNED!

Dear Diary,

It’s December 1st!!!!  You know what that means?

• I can finally mail the letter I wrote to Santa in September (see below)

• Only 13 more days until….19 days off from math!

• It might snow

• FRUITCAKE!

Here’s what I wrote in my letter:

Dear Santa,

I would like a bike.  One that is blue (my favorite color).  With streamers on the handlebars.  And a horn.  And a bell.  And lightening bolt stickers. And a license plate that says my name.  And a basket on the front so I can take my cat, Skunk, everywhere I go.  And reflectors. And a light on the front.  And a light on the back.  And…whatever else your elves can make.

If I’m not on the “Nice” list this year, I promise to be extra nice next year.  So you can go ahead and send the bike anyway.

How is your wife doing?  How is Rudolph?  Are the other reindeer being nice to him? How are you?

Okay.  Bye.

Love,

Casey

Dear Diary,

It’s almost Turkey Day break!  Woohoo!!!  I love Thanksgiving mostly because I KNOW mean old Mr. Sloth can’t make mom work at the diner…’cause they are CLOSED..sucka!  So – yay!  I’ll probably spend most of the rest of the time at Len’s.  Oh wait.  I haven’t told you about Len yet.

Leonard S. Morgan is my one and only best friend.  I’m not sure what the “S” stands for – probably “Slow Poke”.  Or “Super-sized Brain”.  Or “So Lucky to be Friends With Casey Crabtree”.  Ha ha.  Jk.  

Why it’s awesome at Len’s house:

1. I get to help him with his newest invention: a solar powered rocket booster for his brother’s bike.  What is it?  I don’t know.  But it sounds pretty cool.

2. His mom is so beautiful, I think she might be a Queen hiding in the suburbs from an evil witch.  So, I get to be on Witch Patrol.

3. His dad is a policeman who probably beats up bad guys.  This, obviously, is saaaweeeet!

Why it’s not awesome at Len’s house:

1. His mom got rid of all the good food in the house because he’s “husky” or something and has to be punished with vegetables.

So, as you can see, next week will be pretty great:  Mom, Len, rocket boosters, witch patrol and best of all…NO SCHOOL!

Gobble Gobble!!!!